Mommy's Temper (achieving anger free discipline)

Keeping myself calm is one of my biggest fears of being a parent. I'm not a very patient person and the last thing I want to be is the screaming irrational parent whos children grow up to think hates them. More importantly the best way to teach anything is to live it so here is my keep your cool formula. 

Maintain

keep yourself healthy- eat sleep & exercise

keep up with the house- the more there is to overwhelm you the more overwhelmed you will be

Keep a to do list- just don't stress if it doesn't all get done

Breath

dont focus on the bad- anger builds dont help it

step back- is it actually bad or just not how I would do it

take a time out for yourself- sometimes its best to walk away

ask for help- If a 5 min breather wont cut it get some back up

What Not To Say

stop crying/ hurry up/shut up

your so *insert negative attribute

leave me alone

get over it

Try Instead

ignore it- if its not dangerous or destructive or inappropriate let it play out

offer alternatives- redirection when appropriate Is more constructive then constant scolding

A hug- sometimes your both just stressed 

If punishment is necessary stay even and firm try that hug again it will let the LO know you dont hate them. If you really cant keep your cool make it clear that the child is out of bounds that the behavior wont be tolerated and send them to wait for you. Try your best to make sure the punishment fits the crime.

I Want This--------

Not This----------

How to keep your child from pushing your limits

these are the things I will be trying to do so that we arnt visiting punishment row 40 times a day & so I dont have to worry about pulling my hair out every waking moment. More importantly these are the things Im going to do so that when my kid grows up they will be a decent adult.  

Teach them their emotions and how to express them- this is what your feeling here are some good ways to handle that

teach them proper behavior- this is whats expected & this is why

have clear rules and follow through- this is what happens when we break the rules (and actually do it) be firm and consistent.

treat them like people- kids are humans respect them and they will respect you

notice when they are good- if you only pay attention when they are bad there's no reason for them to be anything else

think about why this is happening- What is happening? why is this not except-able? can we think of why we are upset? could we solve this in a better way? Let them come up with the answers even if they aren't “good ones” explore the responses.

Use natural consequences when possible- its easier to make a link and actually learn from it.

lead by example- seriously no one listens to a person whos full of crap if im not living it or at least trying to then the whole things a waste. 

Communicate- really listen to your kids dont nod and forget or lecture talk communicating means listening and speaking.

Dont be a police state- the best way to lose your child is to control your child they will fight back its inevitable impart tools not tracking devices. 

 

Lines & Fits (how to wait with a kid)

 So I was in Walmart behind the dreaded screaming kicking toddler and in normal never having a kid fashion went WTF is wrong with you shut it up. My foot started tapping my eyes started rolling and my stomach started jumping. Wait your stomach started what.... I actually got so upset I made Connor mad and he started kicking me. Thats when I realized It wont be long. I will have my own little bundle of screaming crying impatience and the truth is I'm really not acting any differently myself I just happen to be doing my fit pitching less vocally.  

 

 waiting sucks I'm 21 and I'm still terrible at it and a kid has to learn to be patient that is going to go so much better a little bit at a time. Besides even as an adult there is nothing wrong with keeping yourself respectfully entertained its why we bring book on flights produce phones that play video games and the entire reason the Ipod exists. So why do we get exasperated when tired hungry 2 year olds who have nothing to do are upset at having to stand in line. Yet we as well feed in control adults still want to stab people in the face when they count change take to long to load their carts or own a tired hungry and exasperated toddler.   

So I decided I would go ahead and figure out how to avoid or at least handle being that parent that half of Walmart wants to shoot. and this is what I pieced together to be my survival guide.

before you go assess the situation- yes sometimes things have to be done but if its past nap time they havent eaten they are allready upset ect ect does it HAVE to be done right now.

keep them respectfully entertained- especially for long waits restaurants offices doctors ect

• Toys- Have a go bag of waiting appropriate toys no noise makers or multiple pieces think small stuffed animals and tethers for the first little bit hot-wheels and action figures later.
• Baby stages- I wonder if I can use a paci gripper to attach the toy to baby no dropping or throwing to irritate mommy
• Toddler stages- let him have his own little backpack and chose his own toys (as long as they are still waiting appropriate)
• Artistic- for those longer sit down waits keep it in the go bag always just encase you never know when a long wait will pop up and make it non messy.
• Baby stages- play dough bags leave the dough in a baggy squeeze out the air and seal off the top let him squish it around through the plastic.
• Toddler stages- coloring/activity book, pipe cleaners (he can make his own figurines)
• Material free fun- talk, explore, joke, observe, story tell, listen just make sure kids learn indoor voice once they are doing a lot of the talking
• Baby stages- play a rhyming game/sing a lullaby point out colors and shapes mine as well practice teaching early
• toddler stages- play games like Eye spy or can you find....... (exmpl. 3 different animals) make up stories for people around you play trivia or would you rather.

stay patient- getting irritated is only going to make it worse for both of us

have snacks- even daddy gets grumpy if he is hungry

lead by example- if mommy's huffing and bickering the kids arnt going to learn from your well planed speech about the importance of patience and respect.

listen to the situation- a kid doesn't always need to be entertained don't make it a big deal when its not one

be prepared to lose your place- especially once he gets older don't stand there exasperated and making everyone's life miserable. if the behavior is completely out of hand go correct it dont just stand there mouthing im sorry like a putz. 

Parenting (what I want)

So im just going to dive right into causing problems and make my first real post be about parenting. The first thing that came to my mind when I saw those double lines wasn't money or space It was "am I ready to be a good parent". like any practically still teenager I had a long list of things I didn't want to do. but then I relized I was looking at the picture backwards who cares what you dont want thats like asking someone what they want for dinner and hearing not eggplant well thanks that narrows it right down to oh yeah several thousand other options.

So this Is my list of things I do want to do.

Teach not Preach - I will teach my children I will teach them respect and responsibility common sense and common courtesy I will teach them to love to forgive and to fight and so much more. Teaching is a parents main duty but preaching is not. The fastest way to get someone to ignore you is to force them to listen my child is a person to be guided not a sheep to be herded.

A firm hand is not always a heavy hand- Sometimes more can be accomplished with much much less punishments should fit the crime not my anger if I know I'm not making a clear decision I need to step back. I still remember being a kid having to wait is sometimes worse then any switch or grounding thats when you know you've gone and done it this time.

Listen and Answer- My kid wont be in control but that also doesn't mean they shouldn't have a say. If they have no input or options or decisions to make then they don't learn to function on their own. my kids may not always get the answer they want but they will get one and not because I said so.

Be There- When my kid needs someone I hope that they will know it can be me. When they are little I want to want to hear about buzz lightyear or whatever enthralls children these days and when they are older I want to be the one who knows which girl/boy they like which teachers suck and so much more.   

Build them up- I want my kid to know im proud of them even when they make stupid decisions and deserve to have their head ripped off they will know im still proud of them. mostly I want them to know that they should never be ashamed of themselves.

Think Child- I would rather argue with a teen who can think for them selves then watch them blindly follow friends to the grave because they were taught to follow without question. Respect and obedience does not equal stupidity and naivety. If there is anything I impart to my kid it should be to freaking think.  

Do- dont be the mom that talks about going camping Go freaking camping go to the park make a cardboard robot study ants. IDK what it is but I will be doing things with my kid every moment is a moment to learn experience and enjoy. I never want to be the mom that's to busy on farmville to go outside. 

Manners Child- I dont care if my kid decides to be a little goth punk he will say thank you he will hold doors for others he will respect a female even if she doesnt deserve it and he dang better never ever cock back on me or mommy will pull his little skinny jeans down and whip him with his own wallet chain.

This is the kind of parent I want to be Maybe to harsh for some Maybe to hippy for other maybe even a bit unrealistic when it comes to actually raising a child. But its what Im going to strive for its the kind of parenting I think will work. Its the kind of parent I will be proud of myself if I even come close to being.