35 weeks and counting

Iv fallin behind on blogging its been almost a month since Iv posted Ill save the excuses the truth is I havent been doing anything important just every day life. but im 35 weeks pregnant now and in a strange strange way I feel less pregnant then ever before Dont get me wrong I have a plethora of symptoms BUt im not feeling it anymore im not wakeing up every day thinking about pregnancy or planing for my child or well anything other then peeing and makeing breakfest. It just feels normal now like nothing is happening maybe thats why im not blogging as much I dont feel like prepareing anymore I dont feel like anything needs to be done which is honestly about as far from the truth as possiable my due date is in 1 month and 1 day and I still dont have anywhere for my baby to sleep. but its not all bad news We actually are finally getting some stuff ready.


 we did get an awesome travel system a few weeks ago.

Baby trend Mojito all terrain jogging stroller and granted Iv never used a stroller or had a kid before but so far I freaking love the thing. on the way home it glided like A caddy I swear it actually made it easier for me to walk.



And I finally have some clothes for him to wear .

can you tell his newborn clothes might have a hint of the Halloween section. iv got like 8 more 0-3 month outfits to but Im to lazy to find the pictures.

plus weve allready got diapers in NB and size 1 wipes nursing pads and milk storage bags to last at least a week or two. a bedding set a diaper bag a few baby toys 4 or 5 board books and an infant to toddler tub. so all in all not really that far from ready and honestly I should be getting my pack n play of awsomness this week anyway.

also known as Graco Pack n Play with Newborn Napper- Flare
hello shelving sleeping and changing all in one space. perfect for my tiny excuse for a home.so actually im really not that far from ready at all. the rest we will probably pick up as we go depending on what we end up actually needing so hurray for almost being baby ready. so yeah that's about it. not that exciting for a post to make up for not posting for almost a full month lol.
 

my pregnancy (29 weeks)

So I'm starting this blog near the end of my pregnancy I'm already 29 weeks and looking quite explody. all the fun parts of pregnancy are past I in all my wisdom skipped pregnancy revelation, gender reveals, viability landmarks, first kicks and all the fun stuff. Instead I started my blog just in time to record my back pain, night sweats, uncontrollable bladder, and general ability to look like jabba the hut while making weird wheezy grunting noises every time I get out of bed. 

So I will play a little catch up

April 3rd 2012- after over a month of my Boyfriend annoying me I took a pregnancy test It was positive.

April 5th 2012- I completely quit smoking (previously a pack a day smoker) 

April 27th 2012- I woke up pouring blood I just knew i was losing my little one I took an ambulance to the ER I had a subcorianic hemorrhage.

May 1st 2012- 1st OB appointment I was told I was due DEC 9th 2012 which made me 8 weeks pregnant at the time.

a few more OB appointments Some trouble with insurance followed by some trouble with the OB based on my insurance (all my testing and even appointment's were delayed for a few months because I was pending coverage) basic pregnancy progression nothing of interest really.

August 15th 2012- Anatomy ultrasound At what was believed to be 23 weeks I got more then a gender reveal ITS A BOY by the way. I also learned I am actually due NOV 9th and not in DEC 9th there had been a mistake by whoever recorded the ER report on my intake papers for the OB office.

so In one hour I went from being 23 weeks and some change to 27 weeks and some change. which brings us to now. I am currently 29 weeks and 4 days pregnant Im carrying a little boy who has already surprised me (by existing) terrified me (by bleeding) and shocked me (by being due a month earlier) before he has even been born.

when I look back on my pregnancy so far im honestly disappointing. I never even realized i was pregnant until 2 months in and even then my boyfriend noticed not me. I didnt see a doctor till the begining of the 2nd tri and then still only for half of it due to stupid stupid insurance. I didnt even see my baby until the third ok fine technically my ultrasound was 2 days before the start of my third trimester but still you get the point. (i was not allowed to see the original ultrasound at the ER) I dont even have a child yet and I feel like a failure as a mother. plus i dont even like being pregnant i feel like a terrible person saying that but i really dont I feel like crap I hate being so tiered I hate worrying about if he is ok for the logest time I hated how I look........I honestly just really want this to be over. 

When i look forward though I am very very excited it is really only like 2 months to my due date. and while im still slightly terrified of babies I cant wait to be a mother.
      

Introduction & Statment

I'm 7 months pregnant 

I'm due DEC 9th 2012 

I'm having a boy 

His name will be Connor Dean

Im not the motherly type at least I never thought I was. As a kid I told my mom If I ever had children I was going to ship them off somewhere until they were old enough to walk and talk and then I'd take them back. as a teen my philosophy never really changed. Of course I baby sat as every teen does but I only baby sat toddlers I liked toddlers I got along with them I understood them I didn't touch babies. And that's really not much of an exaggeration. Iv held three babies in my whole life. two were handed to me because I told people I don't do babies and they thought that was the most ridiculous thing ever. Obviously it was because I just hadn't held a baby. Apparently every persons child is sprinkled in magical loveable fairy dust that can instantly turn someone into a baby person. the third was my cousins kid I did that one semi voluntarily because I thought since we were related it might be different It really wasn't.    

Don't get me wrong I don't hate babies they are kinda cute I love baby things I will coo and aww over anything midget sized. I just have always been extremely uncomfortable around babies. I don't know what to do with them they fuss for no apparent reason they make noises that are not human And they are inconceivably good at sensing my fear. Sleeping babies wake up just to fuss if I enter the room. Babies that "never cause problems" will simultaneously screech projectile vomit and explosively poo followed by an hour of uninterrupted crying if I stand over their crib (this has happened twice). Im just plain not good around babies. Even if a toddler is being an inconceivable jack douche you know what they are doing you can react control or ignore the situation. Babies make evil scary faces and live in a foreign world speaking some alien tongue even their little often strangely shaped bodies just plan move different.

Oh but all of that will change when you have your own baby you just wont understand until your holding your own little bundle of joy. I hope your right generic motherly advice giver because honestly after about 3 months of prep work (I rather obviously was not trying to get pregnant so I didn't find out until over two months along) I'm still terrified. I have noticed changes I defiantly want my child I'm very excited about giving birth but I am terrified that I will be a terrible mother. Everyone worries about that silly girl it will all come together. But what if it doesn't? What if I don't learn how to read babies weird little alien language? What if I change its diaper when it wants to be play and play with it when it wants to sleep and put it to bed when it wants to eat? What if it senses my fear and incompetence and vehemently protests being placed in the hands of such a total loser?

I probably wont get a real answer to any of those questions until I'm holding my baby. maybe my baby will be a total hellion but I will find such joy in his existence none of the drama or trouble or screw ups will matter. Maybe my baby will be a total angel but my crippling fear of the squishy faced beings will re-manifest and all parenting tasks will be delegated to the father until It can in fact walk and talk just like I said when I was 5.

However there Is one thing I can say.............. no matter how much I screw up as a first time parent, No matter how many times I say I cant do this, that I dont get it, that its to hard.....I am going to keep trying. that's what this blog is for Its a place for me to record the things I want to impart to my child the things I want to teach him do with him discover with him make and play and remember. this is a place to record the kind of parent I want to be. As it progresses it will be a place to list what I accomplished and what I failed what was absolutely ridiculous of me to believe in the first place and what he teaches me. its a place for me to reflect to be honest to boast and sometimes to flat out bitch and complain.

I hope this blog ends up being positive that it bring hope and joy and ideas and laughter I hope to spark something in this world........ or at lest be bookmarked for the most extensive list of cool crap to try.