my pregnancy (29 weeks)

So I'm starting this blog near the end of my pregnancy I'm already 29 weeks and looking quite explody. all the fun parts of pregnancy are past I in all my wisdom skipped pregnancy revelation, gender reveals, viability landmarks, first kicks and all the fun stuff. Instead I started my blog just in time to record my back pain, night sweats, uncontrollable bladder, and general ability to look like jabba the hut while making weird wheezy grunting noises every time I get out of bed. 

So I will play a little catch up

April 3rd 2012- after over a month of my Boyfriend annoying me I took a pregnancy test It was positive.

April 5th 2012- I completely quit smoking (previously a pack a day smoker) 

April 27th 2012- I woke up pouring blood I just knew i was losing my little one I took an ambulance to the ER I had a subcorianic hemorrhage.

May 1st 2012- 1st OB appointment I was told I was due DEC 9th 2012 which made me 8 weeks pregnant at the time.

a few more OB appointments Some trouble with insurance followed by some trouble with the OB based on my insurance (all my testing and even appointment's were delayed for a few months because I was pending coverage) basic pregnancy progression nothing of interest really.

August 15th 2012- Anatomy ultrasound At what was believed to be 23 weeks I got more then a gender reveal ITS A BOY by the way. I also learned I am actually due NOV 9th and not in DEC 9th there had been a mistake by whoever recorded the ER report on my intake papers for the OB office.

so In one hour I went from being 23 weeks and some change to 27 weeks and some change. which brings us to now. I am currently 29 weeks and 4 days pregnant Im carrying a little boy who has already surprised me (by existing) terrified me (by bleeding) and shocked me (by being due a month earlier) before he has even been born.

when I look back on my pregnancy so far im honestly disappointing. I never even realized i was pregnant until 2 months in and even then my boyfriend noticed not me. I didnt see a doctor till the begining of the 2nd tri and then still only for half of it due to stupid stupid insurance. I didnt even see my baby until the third ok fine technically my ultrasound was 2 days before the start of my third trimester but still you get the point. (i was not allowed to see the original ultrasound at the ER) I dont even have a child yet and I feel like a failure as a mother. plus i dont even like being pregnant i feel like a terrible person saying that but i really dont I feel like crap I hate being so tiered I hate worrying about if he is ok for the logest time I hated how I look........I honestly just really want this to be over. 

When i look forward though I am very very excited it is really only like 2 months to my due date. and while im still slightly terrified of babies I cant wait to be a mother.