Mommy's Temper (achieving anger free discipline)

Keeping myself calm is one of my biggest fears of being a parent. I'm not a very patient person and the last thing I want to be is the screaming irrational parent whos children grow up to think hates them. More importantly the best way to teach anything is to live it so here is my keep your cool formula. 

Maintain

keep yourself healthy- eat sleep & exercise

keep up with the house- the more there is to overwhelm you the more overwhelmed you will be

Keep a to do list- just don't stress if it doesn't all get done

Breath

dont focus on the bad- anger builds dont help it

step back- is it actually bad or just not how I would do it

take a time out for yourself- sometimes its best to walk away

ask for help- If a 5 min breather wont cut it get some back up

What Not To Say

stop crying/ hurry up/shut up

your so *insert negative attribute

leave me alone

get over it

Try Instead

ignore it- if its not dangerous or destructive or inappropriate let it play out

offer alternatives- redirection when appropriate Is more constructive then constant scolding

A hug- sometimes your both just stressed 

If punishment is necessary stay even and firm try that hug again it will let the LO know you dont hate them. If you really cant keep your cool make it clear that the child is out of bounds that the behavior wont be tolerated and send them to wait for you. Try your best to make sure the punishment fits the crime.

I Want This--------

Not This----------

How to keep your child from pushing your limits

these are the things I will be trying to do so that we arnt visiting punishment row 40 times a day & so I dont have to worry about pulling my hair out every waking moment. More importantly these are the things Im going to do so that when my kid grows up they will be a decent adult.  

Teach them their emotions and how to express them- this is what your feeling here are some good ways to handle that

teach them proper behavior- this is whats expected & this is why

have clear rules and follow through- this is what happens when we break the rules (and actually do it) be firm and consistent.

treat them like people- kids are humans respect them and they will respect you

notice when they are good- if you only pay attention when they are bad there's no reason for them to be anything else

think about why this is happening- What is happening? why is this not except-able? can we think of why we are upset? could we solve this in a better way? Let them come up with the answers even if they aren't “good ones” explore the responses.

Use natural consequences when possible- its easier to make a link and actually learn from it.

lead by example- seriously no one listens to a person whos full of crap if im not living it or at least trying to then the whole things a waste. 

Communicate- really listen to your kids dont nod and forget or lecture talk communicating means listening and speaking.

Dont be a police state- the best way to lose your child is to control your child they will fight back its inevitable impart tools not tracking devices.